so here I sit wondering how to express the pain I feel at being deceived and betrayed. Our patio was invaded by thieves this weekend. They took "things" and a bit of my peace and trust. That is hard enough but to discover they are neighbors is soooo frightening and a huge disillusion.
Human side wants justice...daughter of God side quietly whispers "show mercy and let me shine through a forgiving spirit."
Human side screams "AT LEAST LET ME EXPRESS HOW MUCH YOU HURT ME!"...ambassador of Christ side advises "Preach Christ alone and count others better than yourself."
Mother and wife side bares her claws and through gritted teeth seethes "how dare you violate my home and refuge of my family"...Bride of Christ praises her Groom for His protection and awaits His second coming with much desire.
Please pray with me for the words, actions and testimony that will leave these thieves/boys/men with no option but to fall to their knees before our Holy, Just, Loving God and through the power of His shed blood become my brothers in Christ!
I have been avoiding talking about turning 50...
Not because it bothered me but rather because I could think of nothing wise or profound that a 50 year old woman should say.
So...here we are a little more than a month after my "Jubilee" birthday and I am still not waxing profound or wise...
So I will just break down and write about what has happened in my heart in the last month.
Due to a bad/good(depends on how you look at it)case of bronchitis, I have spent the last 2 weeks and one half fighting a cough and to breath. To be honest I was a bit(alot)irritated with everyone, Mexico, the doctor, and even God over the fact that my time was not my own and my plans were on hold or cancelled. And then I woke up last Wednesday morning and could hardly breath. Suddenly the only thing that mattered was the next breath/few seconds! We made a trip to the hospital (this strikes terror in my heart on a good day, so it was truely an emergency!) After a chest xray, and examination, it was decided I did not yet have pnuemonia and could be treated outpatient. Nebulizer treatments and injections and cough syrup and complete bedrest were the doctor's orders.
So one week later I am getting better and resting and pacing back and forth in front of the window to my patio are the extent of my activity! I have read three entire books! I have been reading through Psalms too! This is where the heart part comes in...I have NOT been grateful enough to my God for His grace, mercy, love and blessings! I have rather had an attitude of "I am entitled to or deserve this and/or more" most of my life. Not an "obnoxious in everyone's face/demand my rights" kind of attitude but rather an "under the surface/always justified" kind of attitude. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Boy did this one take me by surprise. THEN... came the shame of how could a 50 year old daughter of the one and only God, who has been a missionary for 26 years, have a gratitude/pride problem. God is loving and patient and has a sense of humor. In the midst of a nebulizer treatment my cell phone rings and the leader of Women's Ministries at church calls to see how I am. AND says "how is the talk you are going to give on Attitude of Gratitude, coming along?" Yup, monthes ago, I agreed to give a talk on Gratitude at the August ladies meeting! I even bought a book about being thankful during our trip to Texas in the Spring! I put it on my bookshelf and promptly forgot about it. I read it yesterday. I am greatly saddened for being ungrateful for a big part of my first 50 years!
So......if you look in the margin of my blog you will see my list of 3 things I am grateful for each day. Yes, for the first year of my second 5o years, I will post each day 3 things I am grateful for.
Been sick with bronchitis since before the Ladies Retreat...forced bedrest is in no way restful! A postitive note, I have been able to read several books! All this time lazing around the house, also permitted me to make a "honey do list" for Antonio! :) Praise God for the rest my Lord and Savior freely gives each moment of each day!
